Helplessness
by shygirl1
Summary: AU. Even Zack has vulnerable moments...
1. Losing Reese

Disclaimer: The TV show Dark Angel, all of the characters that appeared on it (Max, Zack, Colonel Lydecker, etc.), and everything else that has to do with the show belong to their respective owners, not to me. No money is being made off of this fic. I only own the original characters (Reese/X5-552, etc.).

Notes: This idea got into my head recently and has stuck there. This is a one-shot that is part of my AU series and is about an incident that was mentioned by Zack during chapter 34 of "Together," so you'll most likely need to read that to understand this, though I think it can stand alone okay. Either way, enjoy! Spoiler-ish stuff for "Cold Comfort."

**Losing Reese**

Zack hit the gas and flew down the highway on his motorcycle. _I'm lucky I was only eighteen hours away from Philadelphia! I hope Reese has managed to stay out of trouble. Get real, you know that he would have called you again if Lydecker had picked up on him again. He's fine._

He turned off the interstate just outside of the city and drove down the streets until he finally reached the abandoned house that Reese had given him directions to when he'd called him back. He stopped the bike a block short of the house and looked around. _I don't see anybody. I don't even see Reese's motorcycle. He either brought it inside or he left it behind when he evaded Lydecker._ He turned the bike off and got off of it and walked it the rest of the way to the house. He opened the door and walked inside and leaned the bike against the wall. "Reese? I'm here."

"In the…next room," Reese's voice said weakly.

Zack felt concerned. _He sounds sick. We don't get sick. Is he having a seizure? Thank goodness I have some tryptophan with me._ He walked quickly into the next room and stopped short when he saw Reese lying on the old couch. "Oh my God," he whispered.

"Yeah, I look great, don't I?" Reese managed to say before he started coughing.

Zack couldn't say anything. Reese's dark skin was gray-ish and wrinkled as if he had…aged. His black hair was now gray and streaked with white, he had been built like a football player but he was bent and seemed frail. Reese was barely eighteen but he had somehow aged at least sixty years.

"Don't…" Reese started to say but he started to cough again.

"Save your strength, Reese," Zack said, snapping out of his trance. He walked over to Reese and looked around for a blanket. He couldn't find one, so he just took off his jacket and laid it across Reese. "Hang in there, little brother. You're going to be okay."

"I won't," Reese said. "I know that I'm dying, Zack."

Zack paused to try to compose himself. "Reese…how did this happen?"

"I don't know," Reese said. "I started feeling a little off just as I was losing Lydecker. I got here and I started to feel really bad, so I lay down on this couch and…I don't know what's happening to me, Zack." He looked Zack in the eye. "I'm scared, Zack. I don't want to die."

"I don't want you to die either, Reese," Zack said. "Just hang in there. Please, just hang in there."

"I can't," Reese said. "I want to so much." His voice got weaker and his eyes started to close.

"Reese, stay awake," Zack ordered. He fought to keep emotion out of his voice. "Reese, stay with me."

"I can't," Reese whispered. "I'm sorry, Zack." His eyes started to close again.

"Reese!" Zack said.

"Tell the others that I miss them and I love them," he whispered. "I love you, big brother." His eyes closed.

"Reese!" Zack yelled. Reese didn't respond. Zack shook Reese's shoulder, but he still didn't respond. A few moments later, Reese stopped breathing. "Reese, wake up. Come on, Reese, wake up. I know you can wake up, little brother. Wake up!" Reese never responded and Zack sat there for a few moments, completely stunned, until he started to cry.

_I failed him. I failed my brother. How could I have failed him? How could I have let him die? Reese…I'm so sorry._

Zack carefully took Reese's body outside and laid him out on the pile of wood that had taken him a few hours to gather. He silently poured the gasoline that he'd stolen over the wood underneath the body and took the pack of matches that he'd also stolen out from his pocket. He closed his eyes for a moment before he took one of the matches, lit it, and touched the lit match to the wood. It started to burn immediately and Zack stood silently as Reese's body was cremated in the fire.

_They won't ever find your body. I won't give them that satisfaction, Reese. I already failed you once, I won't…_ He blinked, trying to hold the tears back. _He was sick. You couldn't have prevented that. Whatever killed Reese, it sure wasn't seizures. You couldn't have done anything._ He stared at the fire. _What if this happens to another one of us? What if it happens to me or to Jondy or to Maxie…what if it's not just something wrong with only Reese?_ For one of the few times in his life, Zack felt helpless. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't save Reese. He'd been helpless to prevent whatever had taken Reese's life. He felt a chilling sense of loneliness come over him as his younger brother's body turned into ash. _I'm sorry._

The end


	2. Losing Max

Disclaimer: The TV show Dark Angel, all of the characters that appeared on it (Max, Zack, Colonel Lydecker, etc.), and everything else that has to do with the show belong to their respective owners, not to me. No money is being made off of this fic. I only own the original characters (Reese/X5-552, etc.).

Notes: I was in the mood to write some more (hopefully!) good Zack angst and I've had this idea in my head for a little while, so I decided to use it and make "Helplessness" a small series of vignettes. Spoiler-ish stuff for "…And Jesus Brought A Casserole." This takes place between chapters 3 and 4 of "Together."

**Losing Max**

Zack's eyes shot open and he panicked for a few moments, feeling completely disoriented. _What the hell? Where am I? What the hell is this? _He took a deep breath and closed his eyes again and tried to regain control of himself.

_Let's see…both of my shoulders are aching._ He tried to move a hand and felt a restraint tied tightly around his wrist. He moved the other hand and felt an identical restraint tied around his other wrist. Concerned, he tried to move both of his legs and realized that he had restraints around each of his ankles as well. _I'm tied to something. It feels like a bed. I'm not wearing my usual sleep wear, so it's not the motel room outside of Seattle that I got when…oh my God!_

Zack's eyes opened again as he realized where he was and he remembered what had happened. _Oh my God, Maxie! She was…but I'm here and alive so…_ His thoughts were cut off when he heard high heels approach his curtained off area of the infirmary. He gritted his teeth and sure enough, Director Renfro stepped into his view, smiling.

"Hello there, 599," she said almost pleasantly. "The doctors tell me that you're recovering from your surgery quite nicely. Under normal circumstances, we would clear you for active duty in four days."

"My name is Zack," he hissed. "Where's Max?"

"I think you know exactly where your sister is," Renfro said calmly. "She is outside sleeping in the graveyard with the other fallen X-series. I believe that we even buried her next to your brother 417. We aren't completely heartless."

"You're lying," Zack said, trying to hide the sinking feeling he had. "You're fucking lying."

"Am I, 599? You did see her with your own two eyes," Renfro pointed out. "She was flatlining and we had no X5 hearts available in the donor bank." A faint smirk crossed her face. "I must admit, it was certainly a noble gesture on your part to be so willing to sacrifice yourself to save her. I suppose whomever it was that said that chivalry is dead is wrong. Chivalry isn't dead…but Max is. 452 is no longer among the living."

"You're lying!" Zack yelled angrily. He tried to break free of the restraints as he had done the night before, but he couldn't.

"We're not stupid, 599," Renfro said. "We learned our lesson from you from last night. Not even an X8 or one of our top X6s can break free from those restraints." She tried to restrain a triumphant grin when she saw the hopelessness grow in Zack's eyes. "452 is dead, 599. Accept it. She died because you were not fast enough. You failed your sister because you weren't good enough."

"I didn't fail her," Zack insisted.

"Then how come she is dead and you aren't?" Renfro pointed out. "Don't feel too bad, 599. You won't be alone here. You do have another sister here though I doubt that you and 734 will be seeing much of each other as she is busy with her own duties. And I'm sure that since you're here that it won't be long now before we find the rest of your…family…and bring them back home. It would be nice to have a family reunion, wouldn't it?" She smiled again. "Face it, 599. You failed one of them and you've failed them all. You can't get out there to protect them again. Even if you did, you didn't do such a good job of protecting 452."

Zack narrowed his eyes and glared at Renfro. "They're smarter than you're giving them credit for."

"I'm sure," Renfro said skeptically. "Rest up, 599. In a few days, we'll be transferring you to the Seattle facility with all the rest of the soldiers. After you've been transferred, we'll…get to know each other much better, won't we?" She turned around and left, laughing softly to herself the whole way.

Zack just stared at where she'd been for a few minutes before he broke down and started crying. _Maxie…oh God, Maxie, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry that I failed you!_ He couldn't stop the tears from streaming down his face. _I tried to save you. I really tried to save you. I'm so damn sorry!_ The grief he felt tore at him, as if part of his soul had been ripped away. _I love you so much and…_ He couldn't even finish his thought and lay sobbing for a long time. He didn't know how long it was before the tears finally dried up.

_How can I--_ He blinked when he saw a shadow pass by his curtained-off area and gasped for a moment before he let his breath out in disappointment when he heard the shadow speak to someone else on that side of the curtains. _It wasn't her and you know it! Max's voice was not that high-pitched. _He turned his head so that he could look out of the window as much as he could and he expected to start sobbing again, but instead he found a renewed sense of determination.

_I'll be damned if I let Max's death be in vain._ He nodded to himself as he stared out at the sunset. _I won't stop fighting them, Maxie. I promise. If they think that I won't resist them anymore because you're gone, they are very wrong._ He took a deep breath. _I'll give them hell for you, Maxie. I love you._


End file.
